Writing... and Parents

I am not the greatest writer. I like to start sentences with because, therefore, however, etc. because if I don't, my sentences follow the same subject+verb+object format. Most of my sentences are usually complete thoughts - I don't write sentences like, "Because she saw the dawn break." Nevertheless, they are still bad sentences.

So I'm not sure how I'm supposed to write a book one day. I told my dad that I would write a book about him and his life story (although my dad is still relatively young - he's only 45). I think it's an interesting story. My aunts have told me lots of stories about my dad and what a mischievous kid he was. My dad tells me his side of the stories too, which obviously do not resemble the stories my aunts told me. Soooo, it will take me a while to figure out what actually happened...

But my parents make me proud to be their daughter. Yes, it's kind of corny, but I often think about what my life used to be like and what it's like now. My parents worked really hard and accomplished a ton of stuff - like opening a successful restaurant, starting a successful construction company, investing wisely in real estate, raising 4 children - all without college degrees and being illiterate (in English). And here I am, trying to get my PhD...

However, success comes at a price. My parents were not the most supportive parents. They rarely came to my band/orchestra concerts, did not have many conversations with us when we were younger (like, "how was your day at school?"), left us alone at home often, and scolded us harshly (hm, how I love corporal punishment). My youngest sister and brother had/are having different experiences than my oldest younger sister and me (they are a product of our "parenting" instead of my parents' parenting). So, this makes me wonder, what kind of parent do I want to be? It depends on what kind of children I want to raise.

I turned out to be a very cautious, studious, and compassionate person. I don't like confrontation (I tend to avoid it at all costs). I'm also naive. My overly cautious behavior tends to be excessive, to the point where it might look like I'm being totally reckless. Being studious is a good thing (I think). And my compassion gets mistaken for empathy, of which I don't have much. I run away from my problems and I think all people are inherently good. It reminds me of how Anne Frank ended her diary:

"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."

I want my children to believe that. Some people say it's naive, but I really do believe it. I also want my children to explore life more than I did, and not be so overly cautious. Maybe they should take more risks... haha, a parent advocating for their children to be more risky.

Anyway, I hate to leave my thoughts unfinished, but my brain wants to shut off. So... it's shutting off. I'll have to continue this post at some other time...